Part II – Free Sample Day!!!
At our yuppie Wegmans, they were celebrating Italy with food and festivities. I mentioned the Rat Pack singer, but in addition to that they had a store full of (mostly) Italian themed free samples! I tried several new things with some big hits and some severe misses. Sorry Wegmans, you are not infallible.
The first item I tried was called Trugole. It was a sharp cheddar cheese with prosciutto. This was very good. Also, the free sample girl invited us to enter a contest to guess how much a giant wheel of cheese weighed. I told her my guess was 10 million pounds, and then I jumped up and down yelling, “I won, I won!!” Then I walked away leaving a stunned free sample girl and an eye-rolling Lisa to attempt to explain the man she married. I don’t care that it didn’t make any sense. It’s what I do. The scientists can explain if you want to know why it was funny:
My second item was Speck and Mortadella Panini.
Beautiful Understanding Wife Lisa: Uh oh, I don’t think you will like this
Tim: What? It’s ham and cheese and bread, all three things I like.
Beautiful Understanding Wife Lisa: Oh yea because that logic applies to you.
Tim: … … Touche
Oh I should have listened to her. If you want to find out what a Speck and Mortadella Panini tasted like, you can experience it right now. Take off your shoe and lick the inside of it. I imagine that is about half way to how gross this was. Bad does not begin to describe it. It was not as bad as the betrayal of pizza, but I definitely wanted to punch ham and cheese sandwiches in the face.
The third item I sampled was by far the most disgusting thing ever made. I decided it would be a good idea if I tried apple butter on a corn pop. Corn pop = great. Apple butter = death. If you want to lose friends in a hurry, I suggest you buy them apple butter. It took two things that are relatively safe, apples and butter, and made them into something vile. It would be like if you took Transformers (great) and a live action film (great) and made a worthless pile of crap movie (or three of them.) Apple butter failed to impress. Oh and Michael Bay ruined Transformers.