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Date Night Part 2

Task Two: Entrée

I wimped out on the entrée for myself and just ordered a chicken dish. It did come with something that looked like broccoli, but tasted more like death. Lisa ordered some type of pizza dish, but she would not tell me what it consisted of:

Tim: What is it?

Beautiful Caring Wouldn’t Harm Me on Purpose Wife Lisa: Just try it.

Tim: OK (inserts food into mouth) … … … (trying to swallow food)… … … (is sure death is imminent)

Beautiful Wife Lisa Covering Mouth Feigning Concern but Really Just Trying Not to Laugh: You look like you just ate a pile of thumb tacks.

The pictures tactfully hides Lisa’s embarrassment.

AHH food virgin failure. Lisa ordered an artichoke, green olive, prosciutto white pizza. I know what you are thinking, “Tim pizza is good!” and I agree.  On the other hand this pizza was death incarnate. I think I should try to explain how this tasted to me. Imagine something that you love and trust, say I don’t know, umm how about pizza? Okay, so take pizza, that rock in your life, the ever steady hand, could never lead you astray, would never hurt you. Take pizza and then essentially, put poison on it.  Okay, maybe poison is too strong of a metaphor. Actually, let’s not use pizza. Say Santa Claus rings your door bell, you open the door and he tells you, I am going to make all of your dreams come true. Oh and by the way, here is a billion dollars and a box of puppies!! Then Santa just punches you in the face and steals your car. That’s how I felt. I didn’t know pizza could be such a jerk. I should also add that Lisa loved the pizza and thinks I am crazy.

Mini task 3

I also found out at Bambino that I do not how to drink wine. Lisa ordered a glass of chianti and asked me if I wanted to try it.  As this process is all about discovery and  the magic of expounding my taste buds I naturally said no. Wine is gross. So I tried the wine.  I take a sip, swallow it and the following ensues:

Tim: (swallows wine) gross

So sick of all the adjectives Beautiful Wife Lisa: … you do not know how to try wine do you?

Tim: Wait that’s a real question?

Lisa: you have to smell it first, and then chew it so it touches all the parts of your tongue, then slowly swallow it.

Tim: chew a liquid?

Lisa: The act of chewing ensures total palate submersion.

Tim: Oh I get it… I won’t ever be drinking wine ever again in my life. Ever.

So I try the wine again. It was still gross. Lisa explains that it will grow on me and that my rebuttal is not required. She knows me so well.

Date night was not that big of a success for the Food Virgin.  I went one for three on trying new things. I did have a great night and look forward to the next challenge. Oh and my scientists came up with an artist’s rendering of the betrayal of pizza.

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2 responses to “Date Night Part 2

  1. carr27

    This is hilarious!!! I love the metaphors. I too am a lover of pizza in the traditional sauce, cheese, and “normal” toppings. If I tried that pizza the scientists would have come up with a similar rendering of pizza betrayal. Stay strong.

  2. Karla ⋅

    Tim, you are cracking me up!!!! Keep up the discovery of adult food and the joys of wine.

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